Crisis

“Haaaahaaay…………..”

That was another sigh. I remember my parents telling me not to make a big sigh because it’s “malas”. Of course, the ever curious me asked why, and they explained that it’s because when you sigh, it shows that you’re nearly giving up or you are not happy with whatever is going on in your life.

As much as I want to refrain from sighing, I can’t deny the fact that my troubles are big time lately. It seems like the horoscope I posted here is coming true.

It scares me now. I don’t know what to do next. I wanted freedom from the stinky jail where I came from, and now I am beginning to develop a bad habit, which I think all started when I “overenjoyed” such freedom. I’m beginning to forget about my finances, budget, a few obligations (A FEW!), and even my health. All I want to do is wake up, take a bath, check my e-mail (friendster, multiply, blog, fansites, and forums), watch videos on youtube, go out and drink cups of coffee, talk to my baby camel, and then meet with friends, laugh, listen to rock music, and enjoy life under the influence of the speedy red horse and the anti-liveraide Tanduay.

I forgot about work. I forgot about balance. I focused on what is currently making me happy — friends, music, and poetry. I’m not a good poet but I enjoy writing poems for myself and for the people I hate or love. That’s why a friend’s statement struck me yesterday. “Let’s be practical, poetry doesn’t sell nowadays!” Ouch! I don’t know if that’s true but I think that should bother poets. Are most people still interested with poetry that they would be willing spend for it?

I never thought of selling my poems (because they are not of marketable quality in the first place), but I only hope some friends would still continue to read them because they are my own way of sharing my stories. Now, I get comments from friends that my poems are very personal and that they like it. THANK YOU. I also get a bunch of negative comments. THANK YOU pud! haha! What’s important is somebody’s paying attention (although that sounds so KSP! Hahah!).

Anyway, I’m off the topic again (coherence! coherence! coherence!).

Well, those are my present dilemmas, and I’m not sure if it is right to say “come what(ever) may” (title of Stone Sour’s song, hehe!). I think I should do something now to change this routine and focus on work because I’ll be starving in the next few days. I hate it but I think I should TEMPORARILY say bye bye to my hobbies (should that include blogging? nah!).

Perhaps this is what my good friend Easter has been talking about. She says she’s having a quarterlife crisis. Boss wiki gave me its characteristics, and these are as follows:

feeling “not good enough” because one can’t find a job that is at one’s academic/intellectual level

frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career

confusion of identity

insecurity regarding the near future

insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals

insecurity regarding present accomplishments

re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships

disappointment with one’s job

nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life

tendency to hold stronger opinions

boredom with social interactions

loss of closeness to high school and college friends

financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)

loneliness

desire to have children

a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

Yeah… i think I’m having one.

Sigh…sigh…sigh…

Well, at least I’m assured that this is not insanity.

Sigh…sigh…sigh…

*photo from freethoughts.org

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Tags: earnest hope, jobs, poetry, quarterlife crisis

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